


Thin Air

by lozlor



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, out of order meetings lead to much confusion, over the top gay, post-Game Over, this is two years too late tbh, time shenanigans kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 23:57:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6542044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lozlor/pseuds/lozlor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time you find him is an accident.  It’s a pleasant surprise during the screw all or make all retcon mission Terezi has you on. Even more pleasant when you remember your Karkat is currently dead in the timeline you came from. Unless, of course, one of the things Terezi has you change will prevent him from meeting his unfortunate end. You hope that is the case, at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thin Air

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I started writing this two years ago before John had complete mastery over his powers and before we saw exactly what Terezi’s instructions were and thus what the changes made led to. So that’s pretty much where it diverges and doesn’t fit with how anything ended up happening at all, but… With the end of Homestuck rapidly approaching, I figured I might as well finish the one and only fanfic I’d ever attempted to write for the fandom. I apologize for any mistakes and also for the parts that have like zero effort put into them. I did my best through the lack of motivation.

The first time you find him is an accident. It’s a pleasant surprise during the screw all or make all retcon mission Terezi has you on. Even more pleasant when you remember your Karkat is currently dead in the timeline you came from. Unless, of course, one of the things Terezi has you change will prevent him from meeting his unfortunate end. You hope that is the case, at least.

You appeared in a hallway that you could only assume to be on the meteor and walking a little ways ahead of you is none other than Karkat. Your first thought is among the lines of, _man its good to see him!_ The second is more instinctual: _What a perfect opportunity to scare him shitless._

You drift quietly over to him, as near as you can without being noticed. You get a good look at his nubby little horns as you lean down before grabbing both his shoulders and yelling, "hi, Karkat!"

The result is a screech so hilariously high you’re sure everyone on the meteor had heard and were mostly likely rushing to the scene to investigate whatever could have made the noise. You burst out laughing, curling into yourself as Karkat whirls around to stare up at you in shock.

"Geez, Karkat!" You get out in between laughs and you are positive you haven’t laughed this hard in a very long time. "I didn’t think anyone was capable of making a sound like that! And your face! Haha!”

"John?" He gasps and you're caught off guard by his voice. Its not as loud and angry as you remember it being on Lofaf, but that may just be under the circumstances. “H-how are you…”

Your attention is drawn further down the hall where you think you can hear hurried footsteps. There’s no point in talking to them. You’re in the middle of trying to save them and the quicker you get Terezi’s list finished, the quicker you get to meet up with them in real time and preferably not dead. 

“It's been great seeing you again, but I got a lot of shit to fix. Hopefully, I’ll see you soon.” You smile and give a little wave to the troll gaping at you in confusion before zapping away with the wind. You wish you could’ve stayed and talked awhile. God, you’ve missed talking to Karkat. He really knew how to have a conversation, that’s for sure.

Pushing the thoughts aside, you consult Terezi’s scarf and hit a few of her memories. Most of them only instruct you to leave a vague message in chalk for her to find later on, but some entail other things. Nothing you couldn’t pull off though. You finish writing a message and check the list again. You read your next destination and concentrate on appearing there. You gather your wind and dissipate easily, your talk with Typheous really paid off. 

...or maybe you spoke too soon.

Looking around, you notice this is _not_ where you were trying to go. There isn't a single sign of Terezi to indicate that this is any memory of her’s. You’re back on the meteor and, by the looks of it, you're standing in Karkat's bedroom, if the lame troll movie posters are anything to go by. This is the second time this has happened now! So much for complete mastery over your powers.

It would probably be wise if you left before Karkat returned. Who knows how he'd react to finding you intruding in his private living space. However, just as you are about to leave, you notice some familiar blue chalk on the wall over the bed. Curious, you drift over towards the writing to get a better look. There are just about two full rows of slashes in groups of five. _Tally marks._ Suddenly the door behind you opens and you whip around. 

_Shit._ You better explain yourself before he tries to kill you. You quickly throw your hands up in defense, "Karkat! Uh-"

There's a tiredness to his appearance you'd only just now noticed, though he perks up at the sight of you. "Oh, hey, John." He says, only sounding mildly surprised.

That...that's it? No outraged screaming or death threats or physical violence of any kind? Not even the reaction he got from the last time you zapped near Karkat? Where was the shocked ‘John how are you here’ floundering you got before?

"You, uh, you're not angry? Or surprised to see me?" You ask him as you float down until your feet hit the ground, confused at his quick acceptance of your appearance.

“Why would I be angry? This isn’t the first time you’ve showed up in my respiteblock.” Karkat shrugs as he walks over and collapses onto the couch. “And you showing up out of nowhere is pretty much a regular thing.”

“What. It is?” You know this is the only other time you have met Karkat on the meteor besides the previous one. You have a feeling there is going to be many more after this.

“Yeah, this is like the fifth time now.” Karkat explains. Narrowing his eyes he asks, “How many times is this for you?"

“This is only the second time. I really come here three other times?” Damn, you must really suck at controlling your powers. You take a seat on the opposite side of the couch, hoping you’re not crossing any boundaries. “What do I usually do?”

Karkat doesn't seem to think much of it and responds comfortably with a shrug. “Well, the first couple times didn’t go as well, but usually we just hang out, watch movies.”

“We’ve hung out? Really?” You ask brightly. You’ve counted Karkat as one of your closest bros next to Dave and you’re glad he must think somewhat the same as you. “Which movies?”

Karkat rolls his eyes and rattles off some of his troll romcoms- titles shortened-, along with a few of your own. You can't believe your ears when he lists _Con Air._

“You’ve watched _Con Air?!_ ” You grin excitedly and Karkat rolls his eyes again as the corner of his mouth curls up ever so slightly.

“Yes, I’ve watched it and no, it wasn’t the cinematic masterpiece you made it out to be. I am _definitely_ not about to have this same conversation all over again. Fuck, I thought we would be done with all this backwards shit by now, but I guess not.”

You chuckle lightly in embarrassment. “Heh, sorry I don't even know why I keep ending back here so much. If I could control it I would.”

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat, speaking fast and avoiding eye contact until he finishes. “I mean, it's not that I mind it, you coming here. Its just the fact that we’re all so out of order that pisses me off. It's annoying and confusing and it would just be a lot fucking easier if for once something so simple wasn’t so goddamn complicated, you know?”

“Yeah, I know….” You kinda want to stay and talk for awhile this time instead of getting back to the checklist right away. Apparently you do this a lot so you might as well get used to it, right? He’s looking at you like he’s not sure what either of you will say or do next, but you refuse to let things get too awkward between you two. Quickly, you change to a new subject, “So how has life on the meteor been?”

Karkat visibly eases back into conversation. “It's been fucking great. Everytime we go to sleep we get to see our dead friends and and then there’s also our ancestors, I guess, and they’re all weird as fuck. I thought our original group was bad holy fucking shit you should see these assholes.”

“What about Dave and Rose? How are they? And the other trolls?” Now that you have him going, you don’t want him to stop. You have missed his shouty tirades more than you thought.

“Dave is his usual dickish self and him and Terezi are terrorizing everyone on the meteor being a fucking weirdass annoying couple together while Rose and Kanaya are always off alone most of the time. So, yeah, all of them staying true to human/troll makeouts you predicted. Sollux and Aradia are prancing around the dream bubbles who fucking knows where and that psycho piece of shit clown, Gamzee, is nowhere to be found. As you could probably tell, we’re a very close knit group of friends here.”

You can’t help laughing then, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I really have missed you, Karkat! But man, it doesn’t sound like as fun a time as I thought you’d have. The ship started to get boring after a while too. I wish we all had been able to head to the new session together.”

“Yeah.” Karkat’s making a point not to look at you and you worry you’ve crossed some kind of line you established on one of your future trips. Your hand is still resting on his shoulder so you quickly remove it. 

“Am I bothering you?” You ask, beginning to think your presence was unwanted. You didn’t want to leave so soon, but you don’t want to be a nuisance. “Cause I can leave if you want me to.”

You start to get up but he stops you. “No, sit your ass back down! It's just...weird, that’s all…. Do you want to do something? Watch a movie?”

“Sure!” You say brightly, thrilled he wants you to stay. “Have you ever seen-”

“Whatever you’re going to suggest: hell no. I watched your shitty movies last time now it's my turn again.” He gets off the couch and walks to the tv stand set up in front of you. You watch him bend down, open a drawer filled with movies and rifle through a few before picking one out. "Here's a good one."

"Don't bother telling me the title. I'd rather not know everything that happens in the movie before I see it." You saying jokingly, smiling when he turns around to give you a glare before putting it in.

He returns to the couch and collapses next to you as the movie plays. Despite everything that happens in the movie being in its title you still have no idea what the hell is going on. The troll romance aspect of the movie is lost on you and the plot is unfollowable. Your eyes start to wander off the screen and begin to roam without your consent. After scanning the entire room your gaze lands on Karkat and you suddenly find him way more interesting than the movie.

His eyes are glued to the screen so you figure now is as good a time as any to take a closer look. Your eyes move from one part of his face to the next. Starting from his piercing yellow eyes, grey irises flecked with hints of red, highlighted by the seemingly permanent dark circles underneath them. Next you take in the faint dusting of freckles over his small nose and finally his sharp teeth and how they protruded ever so slightly over his lips.

His mouth turns down then, drawing your gaze back up to meet his eyes and you quickly look away. 

“No questions this time?” He asks. You spare him a glance and see he's looking at you expectantly with an eyebrow raised.

''Uh, no. No, I do not.'' You answer, hoping your face isn't turning red from embarrassment at being caught staring. 

He focuses his attention back on the screen then and you make it a point not to look at him for the rest of the movie.

When the movie has ended, however, you decide to risk another glance at Karkat. His eyes are closed and he is breathing evenly, shoulders slumped and limbs dangling off the couch. You think it best to just let him sleep. Who knows what the consequences of waking a sleeping troll are. As quietly as possible, you stand up and pull down the blanket slung over the back of the couch, covering as much of Karkat as you can without accidentally waking him. Satisfied with your work, you take a step back and vanish. 

You do one and then another of Terezi’s tasks before you decide to go back.

The second time you find yourself in Karkat’s room, he looks like he’s been waiting for you. 

He gets up from where he’d been sitting on the bed and starts walking towards you. “Well, it's about damn time.”

“Were...you expecting me?” You ask as he walks past you and to the door. You glance at the tally marks and see two horizontal columns and and a single blue line beneath them.

“No, I was sitting here quietly and staring at the wall because that’s what I like to do in my spare time. Yes, dipshit, now come on.” He walks back to you and tugs your hand to the door. A warmth spreads through your fingers at his touch and you can't help but look at your interlocked hands curiously. After checking to see if anyone's coming, he leads you down the hall and up a couple flights of stairs.

“Uh, what are you doing? Where are we going?” He drops your hand when you start up the first flight of stairs and you immediately feel its absence.

“We both agreed last time you were here to do something different other than watch movies. This is different.” He answers over his shoulder as you look down at the flexing fingers that had been in Karkat's hand. “I also want to avoid everyone here so yeah, we’re doing this.”

He takes you down several hallways, always on the alert for someone. He even makes you hide against a wall at one point when he thought someone was coming.

"I think someone's coming. Shut the fuck up." He whispers urgently. You've never heard his voice so low.

“What’s the big deal?” You ask as he peeks around the corner.

"Shh!" He whips back toward you and shushes you angrily.

“Does it matter if someone sees me? It's just our friends.” You lower your voice to try and appease him, but, you still don't get the absurdity of all this sneaking around.

"What part of 'shut the fuck up' don't you understand?" He hisses at you.

"Karkat." 

"Look, it's better for me if no one knew you were here, okay?" He says with finality. He checks around the corner one more time before deeming it clear. "Come on."

You decide to stop arguing and let him finish leading the way.

After several more stairways, he’s pushing open a door and you’re out on one of the rooftops. You quickly notice a black blanket has been spread out near the center and realize that Karkat must have set it up for the two of you to sit on.

He takes your hand again and the feeling returns. He guides you to the blanket and releases you once you've both sat down, the door behind you and the infinite void you're hurtling through all around you with only Karkat beside you.

“I hope this suffices as different.” He says, voice low.

“It's new for me.” You say honestly.

This _is_ new for you. You and Karkat are sitting so close that you're touching and you find it oddly comforting even when he gives a contented sigh and leans against you, resting his head on your shoulder. You're mostly just confused as to what you've been doing that Karkat is this comfortable with you and you suppose you must be with him too eventually.

However, Karkat asks you his own question before you can voice your's, “I know you're hopping around the timeline because you're trying to fix some giant screw up, you’ve told me as much. But what happened in the future that was so bad? Who died?" Karkat noticeably clenches his left hand into the blanket. 

You opt to give him the simplest answer. “Some people we couldn’t have lived without." 

“Don’t give me that vague bullshit. Who? How?” Karkat rises from leaning on you to inspect your face, gaze intense.

Does he know when you’re lying? Does he know you well enough by now to tell? Either way, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have to know that he was one of them. You’re in the process of saving him so there’s no reason for him to worry about it. “Listen, a lot of shit happened, fucked a lot of things up, but I’m gonna fix it. No one's gonna die this time, okay?” 

“That’s not how it works, John.” He retreats back onto your shoulder with an annoyed sigh, speaking softly. “No matter what you do, there’s no way you can stop everyone from dying. There are always going to be casualties. That’s the game.”

“Not while I’m still here. I promise. Don’t you have faith in me?” You smile down at him

“Oh, yes, of course. You’re the saving grace of the fucking universe, how could I forget.” His voice is dripping sarcasm but you can hear the smile.

Now's as good as anytime to ask, you figure. “Hey, Karkat, how’d we get this close? I mean I know we were friends by the end of my session, but I mean this seems like a little closer than I thought we were." 

“This the seventh time for me. I guess you could say I’ve grown attached.” He replies, and is that fondness you hear in his voice? Affection? 

“Seventh? Wow. This is only the third for me.” You're surprised as well as glad by the amount of times that you'll be doing this. 

“The _third?_ ” He springs away from you, expression horrified. “I’m such a fucking idiot! Why would you let me do that! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or force myself on you or-”

“Whoa, take it easy, Karkat, I don't mind! I’m just glad to see we’ve became such close friends.” He slides back over, but puts his head on his knees instead. You don't know why you feel a little disappointed at this.

Several seconds pass before you speak again. "What made you decide to come out here instead of doing something inside?"

"There's just always something inside. Whether it's the others or memories of all the tragedies and sick shit that happened in there...not as much happened out here, at least not on this rooftop. Can’t really say the same about that one over there.” He looks out to the roof across from this one and you think you can see some dark spots of some kind.

You have a feeling it’d be better not to ask.

"I'm sorry about all your friends." You condole.

Karkat stiffens beside and you're afraid you've finally said something you shouldn't have. 

"I'm sorry I brought that up-"

“It's, okay. You don’t know.” He bites his lip before responding, "You don't have to apologize. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I was such a shitty _'leader'_ I couldn't even stop my own friends from killing each other."

Karkat's voice is starting to waver and this causes a jolt of panic within you. "But you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You were a good leader and a good friend, some things were just out of your control."

"You wouldn't understand. None of your friends died while you were leader."

The doomed timeline you left behind replays itself in your mind and you are reminded of how you ended up here with Karkat in the first place. All the deaths you are trying to erase, all the friends you are trying to save. "I do understand." 

A look of grim understanding crosses Karkat's face and a moment of silence passes before he says, "At least you have a way of fixing things. All I can ever do is try to make up for it."

You have a feeling this is probably how Karkat died. 

You're gaze softens and you try to say his name, but all that comes out is barely a whisper. Yet, it's still enough to draw his attention. He was already close before he turned to you at the sound of his name. Now he's leaning into you again and you're staring meaningfully into his face, trying to convey your feelings of his worth to him when his eyes flutter shut. You quickly realize you don't know what's happening anymore as Karkat tilts his head towards you. 

A pounding on the door breaks you apart. Suddenly, Karkat is on his feet. "Fuck."

"Karkat, are you out there?" A voice asks from behind the door.

"Yeah, just a second!" He yells as you stand up behind him.

“Hey, is that Dave?” You say curiously, starting to walk towards the door. 

'' _Have you lost your goddamn think pan, Egbert?_ '' He whispers, pulling you back violently. You're inches from his face when he says, "Get the fuck out of here!''

At first you're a little appalled by his sudden rudeness, but then you notice his face. He's pleading with you to go without being detected. The look of desperation on his face is clear enough. 

"What the hell are you doing out there? Come on, already!" 

"Bye, Karkat." You relent quietly, the sound of Dave's knocking filling the air.

He lets go of his hold on you. "Bye, John. Thank you."

You give him a small smile and disappear. You decide you don't like having your meetings with Karkat cut short. And that you _really_ don't like that Karkat won't tell you why he doesn't want you to be seen. They were all your friends too. What could the issue be? You suppose he'll tell you eventually, so you settle for doing one more task before you head back. Even as you scrawl out a message for Terezi, you can't help but think about what happened out there on the roof. Just before Dave had made you spring apart. Karkat's face had been mere inches from yours and you didn't understand why that made your heart pound with anticipation. You weren't even sure what you were anticipating! Scowling, you finish Terezi's task, shake the thoughts from your mind and go back.

You didn't expect to go back to the start.

When you arrive, Karkat's standing in the middle of his room looking like he can't believe you're here. You are reminded of the first time you found him and wonder just how far back you've gone. Casting a glance to the tally marks, you find them to be all but gone, save a few completed groups of five.

''Hey, Karkat! You look surprised to see me for once.'' You smile, trying to ease some of his shock as you touch down to the floor.

''You said you would be back, but I didn't- I wasn't sure-,” He fumbles, trying to process what was happening all the while staring at you.

''I'm sure I must've promised. Trust me this is gonna go on for a while. I just can't seem to stay away.'' You say, laughing lightly.

''What do you mean?''

''Well, I pretty much just keep popping back here on the meteor at different times. Never in any kind of order either. So our timelines are kind of all...scrambled.'' You make a bunch hand gestures that obviously represent the order of your meetings. 

''So then...you don't know yet...what we talked about last time I saw you.'' Karkat speaks slowly, relief clear on his face replacing what had moments ago been glowering.

Shaking your head, you reply, ''Nope! Didn't happen yet. For me at least. Why, what'd we talk about?''

''Nothing, it's just me making an ass of myself in my past and waiting for you to see in your future again. Does that even make any fucking sense? Whatever.'' He grumbles, crossing his arms and looking away.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad!"

Karkat only snorts, refusing to look at you.

"Hey," you call, gaining his attention. "This is gonna be a regular thing for you. Might as well make the most of it. Quality hang out time."

"Doing what?" He asks, expression wary.

"Well, why don't we watch one of your troll movies?" You offer, thinking it best to watch one of his right now rather than selfishly suggesting your’s on his first time...

"Really?" He arches an eyebrow like he doesn't think you're serious.

"Yes, really! Now pick a good one." You're so used to Karkat's comfortableness around you that you find his uncertainty to be a little disconcerting. It's almost as if you're strangers to each other. To this Karkat, you are foreign. He is not as trusting as you were when he was the one who knew more about your meetings. 

"Whatever." He shrugs, moving past you to the television.

You take a seat on the couch and watch him go through his remade-by-alchemizer movie collection. He purposely files through them until he finds the one he's looking for.

"This one's one of my favorites." He says pulling it out. "It's _In Which a Lowblood Vacillates Between Black and Red_ -"

"Hey, hey, hey! No need for spoilers!" You exclaim, covering your ears.

"I'm just reading you the title!” He defends in exasperation.

"Well, your titles are stupid! I mean who thought telling you exactly what happens in the entire movie all in the freaking title was a good idea?" 

Karkat huffs angrily and turns away to put the movie in. It starts up and Karkat goes to settle in next to you sourly. This meeting isn't going half as well as the other ones.

The title appears on the screen and you do your best not to look until it's gone. When you think you've waited long enough, you turn your face back to the screen only to see the very last words of the title fade.

 _The Lowblood Dies at the End_.

Wow. So much for trying to avoid spoilers. 

You remember your previous mistake and try to focus on the movie this time....until you realize you still don't know what the hell is going on. When it comes to troll romance you know jack shit apparently. _No questions this time?_ You suppose you must've asked questions are one point. Plus, it meant getting Karkat to look and talk to you.

''Karkaaaaat. The quadrants are so pointless and confusing! I dont understand whats going onnn.'' You moan, dramatically collapsing against Karkat. You misjudge your trajectory, however, and find yourself looking up at Karkat from his lap.

Karkat looks down at you with a confused expression on his face, body going tense.

Pulling yourself up quickly, you laugh off your embarrassment. "Heheh, uh, sorry. Seriously, what's happening?"

He recovers immediately, turning to look at you, annoyed. "Didn't I explain this to you already?"

"Yeah, but, that was such a long time ago. It wasn't really something I thought about a lot. I kinda forgot." You admit sheepishly, hoping you're not hurting his feelings for not caring more at the time.

"Well, you're lucky quadrants happen to be my favorite subject," Karkat pauses the movie and moves his body to sit across from you. "Shut the fuck up and listen good this time."

"Okay." You face him with rapt attention, prepared to actually learn troll romance.

"Unlike your simple and limited human romance system, consisting of only _one_ romantic option. We trolls have four quadrants for four possible relationships. Matespritship, moirallegiance, kismesissitude, and auspisticism. The concupiscent quadrants, matespritship and kismesissitude, flushed and caliginous respectively, are the two main ones you'll see focused on in this film."

What have you gotten yourself into. There's no signs of him stopping

"The flushed quadrant is built on pity, matesprits having strong feelings of affection for each other. The caliginous is built on hate. It thrives on rivalry, but requires a level of respect for one another. The tension in kismesissitude relies not only on hatred and annoyance of ones more irksome aspects, but also a level of admiration for their more positive aspects. The pale quadrant, moirallegiance could be described as one of your human best friendships but that's putting it far too simply, there's way more to it than that. Moirails are there to listen and help sort out the other's feelings, it's very intimate and often requires a lot of taking care of and calming of the other. An auspistice acts as a facilitator between two others, mediates interactions between them and keeps them functional.”

Karkat pauses as you try to process all the information. His expression becomes amused as he asks, "Think you can keep up now?"

"Yeah, I think I got it." You reply and truthfully, you find it easier to follow now that Karkat's refreshed your memory.

"So they're kismesises, right? Isn't that what you wanted us to be?"

Karkat's face goes red. "Uh...O-okay I thought I made it pretty _clear_ that everything I said in that first conversation was a mistake and we should never speak of it again, but since you need to be reminded I'll indulge you. I was a grubfucking idiot desperately trying to fill quadrants that I jumped on my first initial feelings towards you like they were definite. I didn't know what I was saying. I've already told you I've never really hated you."

"Well, in that case I'm glad you don't hate me, Karkat." 

"Yeah, well that doesn't mean you're not still god awful annoying." Karkat gives you a small smile that makes it easy to detect the return of the fondness that you thought you heard out on the rooftop.

"Hey!" You nudge him with your elbow, the two of you falling into quick fit of laughter.

The laughter dies out swiftly and you're left looking at each other. Karkat clears his throat, dragging his gaze back to the TV. "Pay attention."

You feel your face heat up again as you turn away and damn it, _can't you watch one movie with Karkat without doing something stupid?_ You mentally berate yourself. You suffer in silence, trying to lose yourself in the movie. 

But even with your new understanding of troll quadrants, you soon find yourself struggling to stay awake. You have no idea when the last time you had a good night's sleep was. Or sleep in general for that matter. You vaguely notice you've slumped against Karkat's side, cheek surprisingly comfortable against his shoulder, although it could just be the fact that you are completely exhausted and only just now feeling it hit you.

"Who do you think you are, falling asleep during my movie?" Karkat nudges you with an elbow gently, playfulness in his tone.

"Sorry, I'm just so tired…." You mumble against his shoulder. 

"When's the last time you've slept?" 

"I dunno....Days…?" You seriously have no idea.

"Wha- _days?_ How have you been functioning?" He asks, incredulous.

"...important shit to do." You murmur, corners of your mouth turning up at the worry in his voice. 

"You need a _good_ night's sleep, not just passing out on my couch! Take my bed." Karkat's voice sounds far away.

"S' fine. I'm fine." You slur, sleeping taking hold of your consciousness. 

When you wake up, you're a little confused. Whatever you're laying on is incredibly comfortable, definitely not the couch you fell asleep on. _Karkat's_ couch. You remember you started drifting off during one of Karkat's movies. You sit up, discovering you're in Karkat's bed and the owner of said bed is on the couch staring at you.

"Finally. I thought you wouldn't ever wake up. Did you sleep okay?" He rises from his seat and walks towards you.

"Yeah, great actually." You answer, swinging your legs out from under the blanket. _When did I get to the bed?_ You think as Karkat comes to stop in front of you. You spot your glasses on the nightstand and put them on.

"So _how_ many days were you awake for?"

"I honestly have no idea." You admit and stretch, feeling your shirt ride up. "I don't remember moving to the bed."

"Because I, uh, moved you there after you fell asleep." He answers sheepishly, eyes darting away. He continues as you pull it back down. "You were too far gone to get up yourself and I knew you needed something more comfortable than my shitty couch after how exhausted you were."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Yeah, yeah." He waves your words off, starting towards the bedroom door. "Listen, I'm gonna go and get you breakfast. Just stay here I'll be right back."

Karkat shuts the door behind him and you're left to your thoughts. You can't help marveling at the bond you two have. It seemed to form so quickly so you can't help but be surprised. Just yesterday you thought building the closeness you two shared the second time you meet him was going to take some time. Yet here you are, feeling as if nothing had transpired out of order. Once more you take in the room that has become so familiar to you. You feel this room is as much as Karkat's as it is your own. From the posters to the scribbled tally marks behind you. You pause at the tally marks. Suddenly, you remember what it was that made them look so familiar to you in the first place. They were drawn in blue chalk. The same chalk you had in your pocket right now.

Karkat pushes the door open and slams it shut with his foot. "Sorry, I only grabbed one plate. I didn't want to seem suspicious. I grabbed some human food Dave and Rose usually eat. I wasn't sure what you actually prefer...." In his arms is a plate piled with breakfast foods. You instantly forget about the chalk as your senses are overwhelmed with the aroma of food.

He sits on the floor and sets it down before himself, handing you a fork and a knife as you go to kneel across from him.

"Oh my god. This is fine, Karkat, thanks!." Your mouth starts watering and you don't hesitate before shoveling food into your mouth.

"Forget the last time you slept, when's the last time you _ate?_ " Karkat asks as he watches you eat with a mildly disgusted expression on his face.

"I've been busy!" You say with a mouthful.

"Uh huh." He pauses before adding, "Are you gonna leave any for me or are you just gonna eat it all?"

"Whoops, sorry." You take a break from ravenously stuffing the delicious breakfast foods into your mouth.

Karkat pulls a hidden fork out of his sleeve and starts at the sausage.

“Thanks again, Karkat.” You say once you've both had your fill.

“Uh huh, anything for you.” He says haphazardly, gathering the dish and utensils up.

For some reason that response fills you with a sense of adulation. “Wow, really?”

He sets them beside the door before coming back to you. “It's just a figure of speech, John, chill.”

You brush his response off. “So can we finish watching that movie? I fell asleep before I got to see the end.”

“You actually want to?” He asks, looking genuinely surprised.

“Yeah it was pretty good!”

Karkat looks skeptical. “Give me a rundown of exactly what you remember first.”

You grin as you prepare to give a summary that is sure to meet the troll’s standards. “The protagonist of our film is a lowly rust blood named Amaven who is catching black feelings for a blue blood named Zephyr. Because of his rank in the hemospectrum, Zephyr cannot be bothered by Amaven’s attempts at filling a quadrant with him. Then, when Zephyr's matesprit decides to end things, Amaven begins to pity him, thus leading to him vacillating quadrants. This is also when Zephyr starts to return his black feelings, and Amaven, desperate to fill a quadrant with him, reciprocates even though he truly wishes for a red relationship.”

Karkat looks impressed by your summarization. “You really were paying attention last night.”

You go sit on the couch as Karkat sets up the movie. When he returns with the remote, you're sitting a bit closer than you did the night before. He fast forwards the movie to the last part you were able to recall.

In the end, Amaven is mortally wounded by a crazed highblood and it is only as he is dying in Zephyr’s arms that his red feelings are finally returned. The movie closes with Zephyr’s fading sobs.

The credits begin to roll and Karkat points the remote at the screen, turning it off and then facing you. “So? What did you think?”

“What the hell was that!” You exclaim in outrage.

“The end of the movie you so desperately wanted to finish.”

“That sucked!”

“What? Why?” Karkat is suddenly just as outraged as you.

“Because! It wasn’t happy!”

Karkat rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, shaking his head. “That’s how real life is. Especially on Alternia and even more so in the game.”

You frown at his way of thinking. Was that really something he had to worry about constantly on Alternia, being a lowblood? “Well, that isn’t fair.”

“Don’t be childish. _Nothing_ is fair.”

You can feel the mood shift and realize this is the longest you’ve stayed with Karkat yet. “It’s, uh, probably time for me to leave.”

“I guess it has been a bit longer than usual.” Karkat agrees, slowly.

Trying not to end the meeting on a sour note, you smile and say, “I had fun. Make sure you get _Con Air_ for next time I come by, ok? And _Little Monsters_ , that’s all I’m asking for! Alchemize those movies for an awesome movie marathon experience.”

“Oh god, what am I getting myself into?” He says, laughing lightly at your eagerness and you grin. 

"Thanks for everything, Karkat.” You smile wholeheartedly, enveloping him in a hug.

A jolt of surprise passes through Karkat before he slowly wraps his arms around you, chin on your shoulder. "Don't mention it."

The hug lasts for a little longer than you would have thought it would, yet all too quickly it's over. There’s a small smile on Karkat’s face and it elicits from you almost the same feeling as when you touched. 

"See you soon." You promise and then vanish from his room.

The hug had felt nice and sent warmth through you and you aren’t exactly sure why. It was like when he took your hand in the hallways or when you leaned into each other on the roof. Something about those things with Karkat felt...good. They made you want to keep doing them again. You were glad you could do these things with each other and not be weird about it. You were glad this was how the two of you were.

With that in mind, you decide to screw doing one more task and head straight back to the meteor.

Karkat's room is dark when you arrive back, illuminated only by the faint glow of Karkat's crabtop. You can just barely make out the small shape huddle before it.

"Karkat?" You ask tentatively, taking a step towards him.

"Oh, _now_ you're here. _Great._ " Karkat shifts away from you, a hand wiping at his face.

"Karkat, what's wrong?" You crouch down with your palms out as if you're approaching a frightened animal, fear twisting in your gut. You have never seen him like this before and it scares you more than anything the game could ever have you encounter.

He swipes your hand away, refusing to look at you and speaking terrifyingly quiet. "Just fucking leave, John."

You don't even notice that he has drawn blood. You can't be hearing him correctly. Karkat wants you to leave? "What?"

"Just fucking leave!" He whips his head up and snarls at you.

There is a moment as you take his appearance in. His cheeks are stained with red tinted tear tracks and his normally piercingly yellow eyes are bloodshot and glaring at you with a look you've never seen before. It pains you to see him like this. "No!" There has to be something you can do for him. "Just tell me what's wrong!" 

The snarl remains on his face and when you try to move closer to him, he _growls_.

"Karkat, please." You beg, desperate for some explanation, some way to help.

"Why do you have a habit of only showing up when I want you to least, you persistent asshole." There isn't any fondness in his voice this time and it stings.

"Did _I_ do something to you? Is it something _I've_ done?" You are horrified with this possibility. Being the cause of Karkat in this state is the last thing you'd ever want to do.

"No! No, you could never...." He quickly makes clear before trailing off and retreating back into himself. He takes a breath before starting up again. "I woke up and you were gone and it fucked me up. I don't know why but...but I started going through old pesterlogs and I felt like shit. All these people, all my _friends_ , they're all _dead_."

" _Karkat_."

"And I just feel like everything is my fault. Why am I such a fuck up?" He turns back to face you again, new tears brimming in his eyes. Suddenly, he glances down and notices the blood dripping down your forearm from four long scratches, eyes widening. "Did I actually hurt you, oh my god, _John_." He _whimpers_ and you can feel your heart break.

"Karkat, I'm fine. _Really._ " You come around beside him and wind an arm around him when he suddenly throws himself onto you, holding on for dear life.

He's got a hand on the back of your head, using it to bring you closer so he can have his own chin on your shoulder, an arm wound around you and desperately grasping at the back of your shirt. He whispers into your ear in the most broken voice you've ever heard that it leaves an ache in your chest, " _Don't disappear again_." 

"I won't, Karkat. I'm here." You promise, hugging him close and trying to soothe him by stroking his hair.

You've never seen Karkat this vulnerable before. You would give anything to stop him from feeling this way. You can feel his breathing become more and more steady as time passes. Soon, you think he's fallen asleep, but you don't even consider leaving an option. Instead, you stay there and drift off with him.

When you wake up, Karkat is still sleeping. Rather than waking him up, you're perfectly content with just lying there with him passed out on top of you. He looks so at peace while he sleeps compared to any other time you've seen him, _especially_ last night. You lift your left arm, to do what you're not even sure, but before you can, you feel a sharp pain. Curiously, you look to your arm to see four long red marks going down the length of your forearm crusted with dry blood.

Karkat shifts on your chest and you lower your arm and try to remain absolutely still so as not to wake him. When he stops moving and his breathing is even, you raise your arm again to inspect it further. There has to be something you can do with this so Karkat doesn't see it and beat himself up about it.

After a few minutes of thinking, you have an idea. It's a little far fetched, but you figure it's worth a shot. You stare at your arm and start concentrating on gather as much wind as you can muster from your place on the ground. Slowly, but surely, light blue whisps begin apparating and winding around your arm. You can feel them entering the cuts, and you must admit, it does sting. When they disperse and fade, your arm is as good as new. Not a trace of the scratches left.

You flex your arm to see if it feels as good as it looks, before realizing your mistake. The sudden movement causes Karkat to begin to stir. He makes a tiny humming sounds and you can't help thinking how adorable it is.

Blearily, he opens his eyes, looking down at what he's sleeping on in confusion, eyes slowly traveling up to your face. Upon meeting your eyes his own grow wide as if he has just realized what it is he was using as a pillow. "John."

"Hey." You greet warmly.

Karkat shies away, cheeks reddening in embarrassment, but keeps contact with your arm.

The two of you sit in silence, the weight of the inevitable conversation weighing down on the both of you. Just as you decide to speak, Karkat gets up and walks purposely towards the bed. 

You watch as he grabs the blue chalk from the bedside and draws a tally before talking. “Karkat-”

He finishes drawing the line and sits on the edge of the bed, head cast down and away from you. “Do we have to discuss it? I’d really rather not.”

You bite your lip in contemplation as you pull yourself up and go over to sit on the bed with him.

There has to be some way to make it up to him. Anything to take his mind off the events of last night. The night on the rooftop suddenly comes rushing back to you. "Let's do something different next time I come, okay? Take me somewhere."

Karkat looks at you, confused. "Take you somewhere? Like where?"

"Anywhere. You'll think of something." You remember Karkat’s reasoning for picking the roof and it suddenly makes sense.

"When will you be back?"

You turn around to look at the wall behind you. There's exactly two rows of tallies which means: "Tomorrow." 

_That explains how he was waiting for me_. You think back to what else happened on the roof. Suddenly, you remember some of the things you brought up and talked about. _Oh, shit. Why would I say that?_

"Also, look. I'm gonna say something stupid and I'm sorry. If I would've known that this happened before, I wouldn't have said it. But I want you to know that nothing that has happened is your fault alone." You squeeze his hand reassuringly, hoping he'll forgive you for bringing up the very thing that had upset him in the first place. "Okay?"

He squeezes back without looking at you. "Yeah."

You bite your lip in worry, before gently tugging Karkat up with you so you're standing eye to eye. You’re still holding his hand when you tell him, "I have to go now."

"I know."

You pull him into your arms then, unable to stand the sorrowful look on his face. You just hold him there, trying to convey how much he and his well being means to you.

When you step back and Karkat is looking at the ground and not at you, the image is burned into your memory as you leave. 

It's only as you realize you didn't have a destination in mind that you notice you don't know where you are. Wherever it is, it's dark and quiet. 

"John...what the fuck...." You hear a familiar voice mumble from behind you. 

You whip around to see Karkat sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Whoops! I'm sorry, Karkat. It was an accident! I wasn't even trying to come here this time-"

"Wha-?"

Lowering your voice, you say, "You can go back to sleep. I'll leave." 

"No, forget it. I'm awake now."

"Uh, okay. So-"

"Oh, yeah. Here." He reaches over to grab something from beside his bed. "I have your movies." 

"You do!? Yes!" Guilt from disturbing Karkat’s slumber is instantly forgotten as you snatch the films from his hands looking over them in childlike ecstasy. "It's finally _my_ turn for a movie marathon! Haha _yes!_ "

Karkat still looks a bit delirious as he rolls his eyes and smiles. “What do you mean _‘finally’_.”

"Listen, I've sat through two of your troll movie marathons! Now it's _my_ turn and I promise you will not be disappointed.”

“We’ll see about that.”

You rush toward the tv and insert _Con Air_ without hesitation as Karkat takes a seat on the couch watching you with a lazy smile on his face.

"I have been waiting for this moment ever since you first told me you saw it." You say, throwing yourself into your place beside him.

"I haven't seen it _yet_." He counters.

"Trust me. You loved it."

Karkat snorts and the movie begins. The following two hours and three minutes consists of you mouthing all the lines and staring at Karkat during all the good parts to gauge his reaction. You're pretty sure he thoroughly enjoyed the movie, but you _need_ his opinion just in case.

“So what did you think?” You ask quickly.

“I’ll admit it was pretty good- but _don’t_ let that compliment get to your head.” He warns humorously.

“I knew you’d love it!” You exclaim gleefully.

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Karkat waves your words off with a small smile pulling at his lips. “Are we putting the other one in?”

“Are you feeling up to it? We don’t have to if you’re tired.” You say despite your desire to watch it immediately.

“I’m good if you’re good.”

You grin at his words. “Alright. _Little Monsters_ it is.”

As you settle back in beside him, Karkat speaks. “Hey, so why can't you go in order anyway? Coming here, I mean.”

You give it some thought before turning to him and answering. “I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think it might have to do with the meteor being in motion? Like I can never pin a specific point in time down. I dunno. Why do you ask?”

“Beside the fact that it’s fucking annoying?” He looks a little caught off guard at your question, but swiftly recovers. “I was just wondering because this is only my fourth time seeing you, and each time I see you it feels like you’ve seen me so many more times. I’m wondering how long this is going to go on for before we actually have a linear conversation.”

“Yeah, I suppose it’s never really worked out for us like that. Once I’m finished with what I was originally hopping around for, I’m sure we'll finally meet in both our presents.”

“We’ll see.”

 _Little Monsters_ doesn’t prove to be _nearly_ as successful as _Con Air_. Apparently Karkat found it to be rather offensive and so, at the end deemed your movie rights revoked and put in another one of his. You supposed you couldn’t win them all. 

This one wasn’t as interesting as _The Lowblood Dies At The End_ and you soon find yourself beginning to drift off. You are faintly aware of yourself slumping over to lay fully on the couch when you feel something touch your hair, soothing you into sleep.

You wake up hours later in complete darkness. The tv having been turned off sometime while you were asleep. Karkat’s breathing is closeby and oddly enough the weight that you can remember touching your hair is still there, unmoving. Curiously, you reach up your hand to feel what is is and release a breath in surprise as you find Karkat’s fingers tangled in your hair. That’s when you realize that what your head is resting on is not a pillow or the couch cushion, but Karkat’s _leg_ , and for some reason you’ve slept better than when you got a proper sleep on his bed.

Karkat’s breathing changes suddenly and he removes his hand from your hair. Next he carefully slips out from under you and it occurs to you that he must think you’re still sleeping. After a few minutes pass you decide to let him know you’re awake and sit up.

You can just make out Karkat in the darkness before you. “Good morning.”

“You know, technically there’s no time of day on the meteor.”

“Whatever.” You smile. You get up and stretch, pulling Terezi’s scarf out. “I’d stay and eat again, but I should really finish these tasks up. I’ve only got two more and I’d really like to just get them out of the way.”

“You’re….” Karkat starts morosely before trailing off. “Is that...Terezi’s _blood…?_ ”

Hiding the scarf behind your back, you throw your remaining hand up in calming gesture. You didn’t realize trolls had such good night vision. “It’s okay! Don't freak out there's no need to worry about it, she’s fine! Now, I'm gonna finish up these tasks so I don't have anything from stopping me from coming here. So we can finally have that linear conversation.”

Karkat sounds uncertain when he says, “Oh...okay.”

“See you, Karkat!” You give him one last smile before disappearing.

As you finish up the last two tasks, your mind continuously wanders back to the sensation of Karkat’s fingers in your hair and how nice it felt and that this was definitely not something you should spend this much time thinking about.

“Finished.” You take a step back and admire your work. It was one last messaged for one last past Terezi and you were finally done. The blue writing reminds you once again of the tally marks on Karkat’s wall and you wonder how the chalk comes to be in his possession. _I guess I have to give it to him_.

Well, there was only one way to do that.

Karkat is laying on his bed with a smile on his face when you get there. 

"John." He says and then gets up off the bed in one movement, walking towards you, smile never leaving his face.

“Hey, Karkat.” You meet him halfway. You’ve never found him in such a good mood before and you find it influencing your own.

"I only understood one thing you said to me last time...." He steps closer, smile turning into a smirk and taking your hands in his.

Uh, wow you get that warm feeling whenever he takes your hands again. "Karkat?" You smile questioningly.

He pulls his hands out of your's, your mind instinctively yelling _hey_ , only to cup either side of your face- _whoa_. You go from protest to panic faster than you ever have in your life. 

Karkat's gaze is full of affection, and his smile is the most genuine you've ever seen it. You want to be able to take in all these things about him, but his closeness leaves you unable to focus, unable to _breathe_. He doesn't seem to notice your internal dilemma and if he does he doesn't stop.

Suddenly, Karkat's eyes flutter shut as he leans towards you, sliding a hand to the back of your head to pull you down towards him. Instantly, you are once more taken back to that rooftop and you finally realize what it was that almost happened. You can feel his breath on your face as your heart feels like it's going to beat out of your chest. You are paralyzed as Karkat closes the distance between you and presses his lips to yours. You can only process how soft the touch of him is, how his mouth moves gently against yours. 

" _Stop!_ " You push Karkat away from you.

"Hey!" Karkat whines, looking equal amounts confused and offended that this-whatever it was-was cut short.

"No, you can't do that, Karkat. I'm not gay." You can feel your face burning. Because you did _not_ close your eyes and reach a tentative hand on his shoulder before shoving him away. There was _definitely_ not enough time for you to stop him from kissing you and you _definitely_ didn't wait a second before you pushed him off you.

"What."

Your voice is rising with your panic. You can't help but take a few steps back. You have to put some distance between yourselves. "I thought you knew already. I'm sorry if I've done anything to lead you to believe that something was-" 

" _'Lead me to believe'?_ Like when _you_ kissed _me_ last time you were here?!"

You couldn’t have heard him right. "Wait...what."

"You didn't seem to have a problem _then._ " Karkat jeers, and there’s an anger burning in his eyes fueled by a betrayal you didn’t know you were committing.

"I wouldn't do that." You insist, and you aren’t sure what you are referring to more: kissing Karkat or betraying him.

"You wouldn't-?" All at once, the outrage on his face dies and turns into hurt. "You think I'm _lying?_ "

You know very well he's not lying, you can see that he's not, but.... “Why...would I do that?” 

“You tell me.” He says, looking up at you with a dull hopefulness.

You're dumbfounded. You can't take his accusing stare or what seems to be the beginnings of red tears filling his eyes.You can't process any one specific feeling. You need to escape. “I think I-I need to leave.” 

You disappear before your name leaves his lips.

You are concerned to find you are in the same place you were trying to escape from.

“Oh, now you're here.” Karkat says wryly from where he sits on the couch, arms crossed.

“Uh, hi, Karkat.” You say awkward, trying to avoid looking at him.

“Fuck off, Egbert.”

His outright brashness catches you off guard. He hasn’t acted like this around you in what feels like a very long time. _Oh, no, what if this is right after I left. Shit, shit, shit._ "What time is this for you?"

"What do you mean what time is this?" Karkat exclaims in exasperation.

 _Ok, so it's not because of last time._ "Are you alright?"

‘’I'm fucking fantastic.” 

“You don't, uh, really seem that way.” You shuffle toward him as you state the obvious, hoping he’ll confide in you instead of chewing you out for trying to pry.

He glares at you as you approach him. "You really wanna know what's wrong?” 

Against your better judgement you say, “Tell me.”

He huffs before beginning. "No one believes me when I said you were here and Dave keeps cracking jokes about how much I miss you." He sneers. "Which normally wouldn't bother me if I didn't-” he stops himself suddenly, looking away. 

His sudden stop catches you by surprise. "Didn't what?

Karkat sighs before answering dejectedly. "Still have pitch feelings for you."

"Oh." _He still hates me? After all this time?_ The confession hurts you more than you could have ever thought.

" _Now_ you probably hate me." He says, then adds under his breath, "And it still wouldn't be in the way I would want you too."

“No, Karkat, I don't hate you. I could never hate you." You instantly regret speaking. That probably made him feel worse. _Fuck._

Karkat visibly flinches at your words. "Yeah, exactly."

You have no idea how to respond, but you don’t have to. Karkat goes on. "I thought I would forget about it here on the meteor without seeing you for so long, but then you were there somehow and I thought I really was crazy.”

You push your own conflicted feelings aside to try and apologize. For everything you’ve put him through. “I’m sorry. I didn't mean to put you through that, but you don't have to worry about it anymore, it's fine. I only come back here to see you.”

“You come to see me?” Karkat looks genuinely confused, like the thought of you caring enough to spend time with him is the most ridiculous thing in the world. It’s something you never want him to think again.

“Here,” you pull out the piece of chalk from your pocket it and hand it over to him. “I want you to take this and keep count of the days. I’ll be back, just give me a couple days.” You try your hardest to remember the lowest the tally marks had ever been. “Fifteen to be exact.”

He looks skeptically at the chalk, curling his fingers around it gently, before looking back at you. “Fifteen days? Why would you-?”

“I _will_ be back, okay?” You promise him hurriedly. “But right now I gotta fix something really important.”

You vanish before he can question you further.

Karkat had black feelings for you at the start, but that's not how you were reading it at all. You think back to the troll movies you've watched. You _know_ red feelings are definitely what Karkat feels for you now. 

And suddenly you realize you _want_ Karkat’s feeling for you to be red. Because you want them to match your _own._

You materialize in the air and quickly realize you’re not rightside up. _Huh, that's new._

“John?” 

You look to the sound and spot him upside down and looking up at you in bewilderment, eyes wide with surprise. You waste no time drifting lower to cup his face and press your lips to his deliberately slow. His surprise is quickly replaced by eagerness and the two of you get lost in the kiss.

Eventually, you pull away, dazed.

"Man." Is all you're capable of saying.

Karkat on the other hand is left speechless.

"Oh, right. Listen, I’m sorry for this screwy timeline. We'll be fine in the end, I’m sure. I’ll see you real soon, okay? I’m really sorry!" You quickly dematerialize before Karkat has a chance to say anything.

 _I can see how there was only one thing he understood out of that._ Oh, well. What was done was done. Hopefully, there was still a chance to make things right with him now.

The tenth time you see Karkat he is reading a troll book on the couch. 

You place both feet on the ground where you appeared a little ways away from him. “H-”

“I'm pissed at you." Karkat says without looking up from his novel.

You can’t say you weren’t expecting that. “Your different reactions are giving me whiplash."

Karkat snorts. “I could say the same thing.”

“Fair enough.” You consider your words carefully before starting. “Look, Karkat, I’m sorry about what happened last time you saw me. But when I left I ended up at your second meeting with me and our talk helped me figure out a number of things.”

He sets his book down precariously close to the edge of the couch as you begin to walk towards him.

“Yeah?” Karkat says, interested now.

You take his hands in yours as he looks up at you expectantly. “I never realized you felt that way all this time.”

“Yeah, because you're an oblivious idiot.” Karkat smiles shyly, unable to hide the red blush that rises to his cheeks as you pull him up off the couch. 

“But also that you vacillated from black to red, so not as big of an idiot as you think.” Karkat looks surprised again, but before he can speak you add, “And there’s one other thing.”

Karkat watches disappointedly as you take your hands out of his only to bring his eyes back up to your’s with renewed hope as you put a hand on each side of his face.

“I know I feel that way too.” You smile and it feels like you're finally whole.

You bring his face close enough to touch your forehead to his. Looking in his eyes, you’re close enough to see the beginnings of the flecks of red that will fill his grey irises.

“Well, that's a relief.” He looks so happy he’s about to cry.

You laugh and then he says, “You know, you're really hot when you talk about quadrants."

“I aim to please my _matesprit._ ”

Karkat crashes his lips into yours then and your caught a little off guard, but you return the kiss with as much fervor as him once you recover. Karkat pulls you by the shirt impossibly closer to him, deepening the kiss farther than you could have imagined. The book Karkat had been reading slips off the couch and onto the floor then, making you pull apart in surprise.

You’re both red faced from embarrassment and exhilaration when you decide to speak again. “What do we do now?”

A moment of silence passes before Karkat suggests, “Finally let everyone know?” 

“Tell everyone?” His proposition is startling to you. You didn't think you would ever meet with anyone else on the meteor beside Karkat. “That I’ve been coming showing up here irregularly and hanging out with you or that we’re...matesprits?”

“Both, I guess. I mean, yeah, do you wanna sneak around forever?”

“Hey, that's what you wanted! And that was before I even understood what was going on with us!”

“John.”

“Alright, fine. But,” You aren’t sure how to explain.”I don’t know, Karkat, it's just different for humans, okay, like it's a bigger deal for us.” You gesture to the both of you. “ _With us_.”

“It shouldn't have to be? These are your closest friends, one of whom doesn't have a problem with it at all, and anything about your stupid human social norms is dead and meant to be redefined by _you_ as the gods of the fucking universe you created.”

“I...yeah.”

“I mean honestly, John. Are you ashamed of me?”

“No!”

“Then come _on_. When’s the last time you saw our friends?” He shakes his head. “Let me rephrase that. When’s the last time you saw our friends _alive?_ ”

“Not in a very long time.” You admit softly.

He gives you a sad smile and offers his hand which you gladly take. As he leads you out of his room and to your friends, you are reminded of the night he took you out onto the rooftop and wonder how you didn’t let this all happen sooner.

When your friends see you an incredulous chorus of your name fills the room. And even though you know they all notice your hand in Karkat’s, no one draws attention to it other than a smug knowing look from Rose. Karkat releases your hand in order for you to join Dave and Rose and you let your fingers trail out of his. 

“Hi, guys.” You greet and you are overcome with emotion, because your friends are _here_ and they're _alive_.

“John, it’s so good to see you.” Rose smiles from her place beside Kanaya.

“Yeah, man, what are you doing here?” Dave adds.

“Well, to tell you the truth I’m on a bit of mission.”

“You don’t say.” 

You do your best to recount the story in as few details as possible, leaving out the personal parts between you and Karkat. 

“So, you’re here because of my skillful insight, it seems.” Terezi states from behind you as she nears your group with Karkat.

“Yeah, you’re the reason.” You turn around and tell her, but seeing as she’s blind, you figure she won't mind if you look at Karkat while you say that instead. Karkat smiles at you and the six of you spend the next hours together relishing in the new company.

Eventually, everyone decides it’s time to call it a day and retire to their rooms.

You all call good night to one another as you disperse down different halls. Karkat once again takes your hand and leads you to his room. Inside, Karkat tries to drop your hand, but you don’t let go. He looks up at you and is met with your lips. What you felt with Karkat was like an endless tunnel that swept you up in the whirlwind and you’re sure you’ll never be quite free from it. It’ll stay with you. And you hope he does too.

The two of you pull apart and Karkat, with one side of his mouth curving up, asks, “Would you like to sleep in the bed again? Unless you prefer the couch.”

“The bed sounds pretty nice right now.” You tell him and the two of you climb into the bed and into the covers. Karkat situates himself on your chest as you remove your glasses and you wind your fingers in his hair to return the favor of the other night. Together, you fall asleep to each other’s breathing.

You wake to Karkat smiling contently up at you.

“Good morning.” He practically purrs.

“Technically there’s no time of day on the meteor.” You say, returning his smile.

“Shut up. Will you hand me the chalk on the nightstand?” He tells you while pulling himself up and pointing to said object.

You reach over behind you and grab the chalk along with your glasses. He takes the blue piece from you and marks another tally as you put your glasses on. Judging from the amount there are, you guess there’s still quite a bit to go before the meteor arrives at its destination.

Karkat sits back and admires his work. “What time is this for you?”

It only takes you a moment to recall the number of times it took you to reach this point. “The tenth.”

“Mine too.” He turns to you, eyes shining with adoration and climbs over top of you, pressing his lips to yours. He speaks in between kisses. “We could’ve been doing this the whole time.”

That sparks a question you’ve been meaning to ask him. “Karkat. When exactly did your feelings turned from black to red?”

He collapses back next to you. “I...I don’t know it...just happened gradually with every meeting, I guess. Suddenly I realized I was always hoping you would appear everyday because...I just loved being around you.”

You look at him sadly when he says that. "I want to stay here on the meteor with you."

"Good so stay."

"But I can't." You sit up and away from him, unable to face him while you hurt him. Seeing your friends again reminded you of the importance of getting back to the ones that you could actually help. "I have to go back. We have to finish this, Karkat. Roxy is waiting for me and the sooner we-"

"John.” Karkat interrupts and doesn’t sound nearly as upset as you thought he’d be. “Who died?"

You go rigid at the question. That question is worse than any else he could have asked of you. Slowly, you turn back to him, a pleading expression on your face. "Don't make me answer that, Karkat."

"John. _Who?_ " He sits up and asks more forcefully as you get up and off the bed, gripping the edge of the nightstand.

" _John_."

“Everyone, Karkat!” You explode, whipping around to face him. "Dave and Jade and Rose, the kids from the other session, Terezi, Kanaya, Gamzee and-and-" _you_. You look away from him, unable to bring yourself to say his name. 

“Oh.” You know he’s figured it out.

“You have to understand.”

“I do. It’s okay.” He says, coming up behind you.

“Tell our friends I’m sorry I couldn't say goodbye.”

“John.” He cups the side of your face and makes you look at him. He gives you a meaningful look before kissing you goodbye slowly, conveying every unspoken word between you. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

You leave Karkat for the last time.

Lowas is just as you remember leaving it, bright white and filled with the soft fluttering of fireflies overhead. You quickly spot the girl you had left behind.

"Roxy!"

"Hi, John!" She waves to you as you touch down beside her. "Did you finish everything you needed to do?"

Every moment you spent with Karkat plays before you. "Yeah. I wasn't gone too long, was I?”

“Nah. Why, what’d you do?”

“I, uh, got a boyfriend.” You smile sheepishly.

“Oh.” Her fake smile doesn't mask her disappointment. 

“C’mon we gotta go meet everyone." You take her hand, but it doesn’t feel the same as when you take Karkat’s and let the wind take you both. 

You arrive a little ways away from the giant frog platform fate had planned you all to meet on. The two of you drift over smiling as everyone gathers to welcome you. Something catches Roxy’s eye however and she’s suddenly speeding passed you towards the platform. You land next to Dave and Jade just in time to see Rose and Roxy bowled over in a touching embrace.

You immediately notice his absence.

Your gaze rapidly sweeps over the group a second and then a third time as you say, "Where's, Karkat?"

Silence.

"John." Rose tries from the ground with Roxy.

You don’t give her a chance to explain, however, rounding on Terezi. "Where is Karkat?"

"We couldn't save him." You hear her say and it suddenly feels as if the entire world is crashing down around you all over again.

"Couldn't-," You are left reeling. A thousand different emotions threaten to spill over, but all at once rage wins out. "Excuse me?"

Her voice is quiet with guilt. "I'm sorry, John."

"You're _sorry?_ ” You know this isn’t the Terezi that had you retcon a bunch of useless shit, but you have to be angry at someone or you know you’ll break. “You were supposed to _fix this!_ What was the point of anything I did if it didn't save everyone?" 

"It must've been the only outcome I could-"

Your voice has risen into a yell and you can feel the eyes of all your friends staring at you in shock. " _Only outcome?_ Who were you to decide Karkat was worth the sacrifice?"

"John-"

"I don't have time for this!" You vanish into the air, leaving your friends behind. There _has_ to be something you can do. You concentrate on the thought of saving Karkat from death in hopes that it will take you to the exact moment you need to be there for him.

Yet you still get there too late.

It all happens so fast. You faintly notice that you’re on Jade’s planet, Lofaf, but that’s not what you’re focused on. You’re looking at your matesprit being stabbed by his own moirail and then tossed away.

You fly faster than you ever have before, screaming his name as he falls towards the molten lava below.

" _Karkat!_ "

He must see you, because he reaches his hand out to you, rasping out your name. "John."

With a final burst of speed you grasp onto him and disappear. You’re no longer plummeting towards certain death, you’re on Lowas and fireflies light up the night sky as Karkat bleeds his life out onto you. This is not the Lowas you and Roxy were on but that is the last thing on your mind as you shift Karkat into your lap, cradling his head as you assess his wounds. Two gaping holes steadily seeping blood decorate his chest, looking utterly fatal.

"No, no, no, no, no, no. Karkat. _Karkat!_ Oh god. Oh god, _please._ " You don't even know what you're saying anymore. "I should've been there for you, this is all my fault, _oh god, Karkat_ , I'm so sorry-”

"John." He lifts his hand up weakly, silencing you as he puts it to your face. 

You cover it with your own hand as you begin to cry. "You can't die."

Red liquid begins leaking out of Karkat’s eyes and at first you think he is bleeding from there as well until you realize he’s crying too.

You kiss the top of his head before bowing your head into the crook of his neck as sobs wrack your body. This was not how it was supposed to happen. You were going to change things, you were going to _save him_. Not find happiness in each other for it to be ripped away in the same way you were trying to prevent. Every stolen moment on the meteor flashes before you, every feeling you felt returns. You feel the wind begin to whip around you, trying to caress you and the dying troll in your arms.

It snakes its way under your arms and whips both yours and Karkat’s hair around your face. All at once the wind stops and it's deathly quiet, save for your muffled sobs.

That's why Karkat’s sudden gasp jerks you upright and your wide eyes find his own. “John.”

"Karkat…!" You flounder in incredibility at the seemingly healed troll in your lap. You search his chest for punctures, even going as far as to each your hand up his shirt just to make sure. “You're okay?!" 

He shoves your hands away and grabs your face, bringing you close. “Please. Just fucking kiss me, you idiot.”

Before you can comply, Karkat passionately smashes your lips together in your best kiss yet. The kiss quickly dissolves into smiling into one another's lips from sheer joy because the two of you are together and _alive. Karkat was alive._

You pull away in seriousness for a moment. “Karkat.”

“What?” He asks cautiously, afraid of what you might have to say.

“Fuck Amaven and Zephyr.” You smile brightly.

Karkat laughs and kisses you again. You decide your friends can wait. It’s just the two of you and you have all the time in the world right now, thanks to your powers. There may be infinite realities, but you’re just glad you were able to find each other in this one. You finally know now. The first time you found him wasn’t an accident.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this picture http://chubsintubs.tumblr.com/post/104678679866/then-karkat-starts-screeching-and-john-accidently and this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkPovPiMYlo  
> and that one scene from this post http://toxixpumpkin.tumblr.com/post/49038052183/i-wonder-how-often-karkat-sat-alone-somewhere-on


End file.
